Monday, May 10, 2010

Cordless Residents

In an environment where private space is a rarity and an afforded luxury to a select few, I decided that the best and only way I could make a private phone call was to grab hold of the office cordless and seek out a vacant room. I picked it up, checked the battery life and made my way to the board room. After several attempts at getting a dialing tone I realised that the screen was blank and the reception icon was flashing. I was having a really bad day and this was an important call. I had to get this thing working. I tried holding the phone up in the air and positioning it in different spots in the room like an old bunny eared TV aerial. I then looked back at a blank screen in the hope that my navigating attempts were not fruitless. I watched, puzzled as a jet black house ant leisurely made its way across the inside of the phone screen. By now I was 10 min into Operation-Private-Phone-Call and not a happy agent :(
So I did what I suppose any privacy deprived, bad hair slash mood day victim would do- I banged the receiver on the desk and just as I did so several ants carrying pearly white crumbs came scrambling out. Hmmm...Technical department, we have a problem! I was determined to (a) get this baby working & (b) make this all important phone call. So I called up the
Tech Manager (
Adrian ). He did a few line checks, then a phone check. No response. We marched down to his office taking the battery stand with us. He suggested we have a look at what's happening on the inside. As Mr. Tech savvy endeavored to crack open the receiver, I put on my DIY hat, today of all days, and proceeded to unscrew the battery stand mechanism. This felt like an episode of popular mechanics. The day was beginning to look a tad bit cheerier- I was channeling my negative energies into fixing a problem. There were three tight screws on this baby and I was winning fast! With two screws down and one to go I was basking in the wake of DIY endorphins. Suddenly I heard a crack coming from the receiver. Adrian had beat me to it and then came the encounter ; a family of ants and their larva, nestled behind the keypad and intertwined between chip boards. YUCK! It looked like a scene out of Indiana Jones and the temple of doom. Still anxious to get this baby working and make that call, I twisted with all my might at the remaining screw Crack! "Aaah finally..." I thought, basking in the light of the achievement. The bolts were loosened but the covering needed a few tugs to come apart. What followed was a grossly hair raising experience of note. Turns out the ants weren't the only residents inside this joint. I watched in paralyzed horror as 15 to 20 cockroaches sprawled and scurried in every direction- Cordless Residents. Talk about a bugged phone. To echo Malema; Those bloody agents! They're everywhere! ;)

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